"How to Land Your Kid in Therapy" Lori Gottlieb

Psychotherapists Lori Gottlieb wrote an article titled “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy”.  In this article Gottlieb talks about the normal therapy season.  A person who has problems with their parents and the therapist must “re-parent” them.  However, the main focus of the article is not on troubled childhoods rather perfect childhoods.  Gottlieb describes one patent as having “strong friendships, a close family, and a deep sense of emptiness. She had come in, she told me, because she was “just not happy.” And what was so upsetting, she continued, was that she felt she had nothing to be unhappy about. She reported that she had “awesome” parents, two fabulous siblings, supportive friends, an excellent education, a cool job, good health, and a nice apartment. She had no family history of depression or anxiety” something was not right.  She talks more about how these patients had parents who would always step in and correct any problem their kid was having.  Gottlieb contemplates this and comes to a conclusion that these parents have done too much. 

Plainly the point Gottlieb is trying to get across is that parents who do too much are counterproductive to their kids’ wellbeing.  I do not agree with the article that parents can be too attuned or that they try and be too much of a friend to their children.  That is absurd; those things are just the basis for any human relationship.  Nonetheless as a college student my parents are still very much a part of my life, thus I can closely relate to this article.  I am not saying that my life is perfect like these patients.  However, as it seems many parents of my generation, my own included tell their kids we can do anything.  My parents give a lot of positive feedback and are always willing to listen. For me it sets the bar extremely high and failure is not an option.  However, I ask my-self where is this bar that I am expected to reach?  Loose fitting criteria can be bundled in with it like happiness, I have to love my job, and be overall successful.  The point I am making is that it leaves a lot of room where hundreds of things fall under; all of which I am told are attainable by me.   

Along with this it is important to understand a change in society.  Telling every kid they are a winner even when they are not.  Or that one’s best is always good enough.  I say this because it is not true; for me I find now and when I was younger it just blends success and failure into a gray haze.  Thus when people grow up and get a job and are where they think they should be in life it leaves them uncertain.  They know their parents will be behind them 100% of the way on anything they do, even if it is wrong they are still a winner.  So at the end of the day are these people winners?

I played football in high school as a free safety.  I was playing in a game and my team was up by three.  We were on defense and there was enough time for one more play.  As they snapped the ball I watched my receiver take off as i opened up my hips to run with him.  The quarterback hurled the ball up to the end zone.  Both of us jumped up for the ball I reached through his arms tipped the ball back up as we both fell; somehow on his way down to the ground he fumbled it around a little and pulled it in.  My team lost the game on that play that one catch that I let in.  After the game my mom said that it was a good game and I played well.  This obviously was not true and has a way of merging success and failure. 

Gottlieb has a good point and I agree with her that too much parenting can be bad for a kid.  More importantly it is a lack of structure and uncertainty of success that causes a kid to end up in therapy.  With pressure from parents it can be very hard to pick a direction one wants to take their life.  On top of that to work a lifetime towards one thing, and there is no certainty when or if success has been obtained.  This can leave anyone feeling a sense of emptiness and unhappiness.  There is great benefit in failure however, one needs to be able to recognize it and work at it in order to benefit from it.  Not be protected from it that’s what many parents fail to see.